“Kız İsteme” Customs in Turkey - an Article on Turkish Culture by Ersan Korucuoğlu

“Kız İsteme” Customs in Turkey

In Turkey, marriage is considered one of the most important social events so people are expected to follow some traditional procedures. Although these procedures differ region to region, they have some similar features. Here, we will look at “Kız İsteme” customs. In Turkish culture, “Kız İsteme” is the very first step of marriage and it is mainly about making a family decision.

When a couple decides to marry, the son's family is supposed to make an appointment with the daughter's family to get permission for the couple to marry. If the daughter's family accepts the appointment, it is the custom to go to girl’s house as a family. It is not acceptable for the boy to go there alone. The boy is supposed to bring chocolate and a bouquet of roses. When the boy’s family arrives the girl’s house, the girl’s family is supposed to welcome the guests warmly. It is not acceptable for the boy’s family to tell your request immediately. They are supposed to chat for half an hour. Meanwhile, the girl is supposed to make Turkish coffee and offer it to the quests. After the Turkish coffee is offered, it is the custom for the boy’s family to tell their request. Girl’s family is not expected to accept the request. It is acceptable for them to say ‘we want to think about it.’ Sometimes, boy’s family has to visit girl’s family twice or three times until a decision is made.

If families agree on the marriage, it is not acceptable to marry without a big ceremony and people are supposed to follow many more customs in the following days.